Since I like to torture myself, yesterday I tried another one of those “This is healthy for you but super yummy” Pinterest devil recipes: kale chips. I’ve never had a strong desire to bake kale and pretend it’s potato chips, but when I was placing my online grocery order the other day, kale was on sale and so I threw caution to the wind (and $2.50 out the window) and purchased a bunch, or bushel, or whatever the name of a random quantity of kale is called.
It came to me all fluffy and green and intimidating and I promptly threw it in the back of the fridge to deal with when I had the time and energy to devote to this new and not-so-exciting vegetable. For some reason, yesterday I decided was the day that I was hungry enough to bake and ingest what I can only describe as the pubic hair of the vegetable world.
I followed one of the thousand Pinterest recipes that say the exact same thing–heat oven to 275, wash and cut kale, toss with olive oil, sprinkle salt, bake 10 mins, turn over, bake 10 mins, enjoy. Easy enough, right?
What these Pinteresters fail to mention is that not only does kale not taste delicious, kale chips are the messiest vegetables on the face of the Earth. Okay, so the kale chips weren’t horrible; they tasted like almost burnt, roasted kale. Good enough to scarf down if you’re really hungry but not something that I’d pick over Fritos.
They do look pretty and healthy.
Taste aside, whoever had the brilliant idea of taking the curliest leafy vegetable out there and roasting them to a crisp must be smoking something. Do you know what happens when you try to move, pick up, and eat a kale chip? It breaks and little itty bitty pieces of baked kale go flying. On the counter, in that tiny crevice between your stove and the fridge, down your bra–all over! It’s like the glitter of vegetables. Just when you think you’ve finally cleaned it up, bam! there’s more.
And storing these kale chips? Forget it! You’re more likely to snort little flakes of kale than getting a piece in your mouth. Also since you’ve salted them according to the directions, that shits gonna burn.
At this point you’re probably rolling your eyes at my culinary skills and looking around for that dunce hat to put on me. That’s cool. Go ahead and prove me wrong. I’ll be over here snacking on some Fritos and taking a multivitamin.